“Perfect,” Maureen thought as she stuffed the giant mangoes into her cami. She was finally the woman she had always hoped to be.
TLC tv show ideas, part I
- I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS FAT… I JUST ASSUMED I WAS PREGNANT -this show will be like ‘I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant,’ but instead of women finding out they’re with child, they’ll find out that they either ate child or have just become really fat. Men may also be included in this show as well.
- People say I look just like Beyonce -every week a new person will star in this series about people who think they look like Beyonce Knowles. It will be them talking about how much people always say they look like Beyonce, with interjections of their friends/family saying, ‘no, (insert name here) doesn’t look like Beyonce at all.’
- Boys with Visible Emotions -in this groundbreaking original series we will document the lives of really emotional, whiny men.
- Homeless Fat People (HFP) -this hour long docudrama will have viewers watching and experiencing life through the eyes of homeless fat people and how they manage to stay fat while also having no money to buy food.
- X-treme Little People (see: ‘Xtreme little ppl’) -from the channel that brought you ‘Little People, Big World’ and ‘The Little Couple,’ comes a new series involving little people doing extreme things, such as extreme sports. (We have changed the title to ‘X-treme’ to market to teens)
- Wait, people do that in Europe? -every week we’ll send over an American family to some weird destination in Europe and immerse them in the culture. For example, in our pilot episode, we send the McIntyre family to Amsterdam’s Red Light District -yep, Mr. and Mrs. McIntyre with their four children under the age of ten, from rural Wisconsin.
- Green Extreme -this show chronicles the life of people who take living on the grid to the extreme. We plan on documenting them while they drink their own pee.
*THIS IS NOT EXPLOITATION, THIS IS EDUCATION*
This is legitimately how I feel every time I put on a maxi dress.
remember that one time when luanne lost all her hair and it suddenly turned her into sinead o’connor
“i need to let out a fart”
i’m just, like, so apathetic and hilarious riiiiiiiight
Your guide to passing as straight during the NFL draft
1. Get yourself a hot girlfriend. This is obvious. Preferably a cheerleader from your respective school or a Miss USA contestant, which is so hot right now. Then take pictures of her in a bikini and anonymously submit to male gossip sites like Terez Owens or The Dirty (they don’t call them gossip sites but we all know they are).
2. Tattoos. What’s more manly than getting a tattoo? Not only is it really painful to get, but it you can make a permanent statement of your masculinity with straight guy symbols like the standard chinese character, tribal tattoo armband, and my favorite, the weird Jesus mugshot. Need an example? Let’s take Alabama QB AJ McCarron’s masterpiece:
Um yes, this is 100% real and 100% MANLY. AJ’s dickey (google dickey collar shirt) tattoo not only has a picture of a crying Jesus, but it also contains the phrase “Bama Boy.”
3. Say things like “NO HOMO, BRO.” Don’t just say it once in a while, say it whenever another dude gets within 4 feet of you.
4. If somehow incriminating pictures or recorded tapes of you come up that pretty much show you admitting that you love the D, you’re going to have to come out… with your guns fully loaded. Take a cue from the straightest straight to have ever straighted: Chris Brown. The next time anyone in the media accuses you of being gay, yell in their face and tell them that they are the gay ones and throw a chair out of a glass window. The more violent the better, it’s gonna make you seem uber masculine.
It’s pretty bad when Fox News has less-shitty journalism than you.
2 great tastes that taste great together
joel knows what you’re up to spaghetti cat
“I do feminist porn because I know how to treat a lady right”
“If you want to treat a lady right, you’ll buy her monica and chandler champagne”